批改符号说明：

绿底为优美，黄底为瑕疵，红底为错字（括号里边为间批），中间横线为删除，^{上标符号添加字}，文下隔行写点评，点评内容用红字，红双线“‖”处段另起（分段）.

 

Love Is A Lamp

发布时间：2015-10-18 13:49:51 作者：袁露菲  发布者：JeanNo3 浏览次数：3759  类别：英文作文  

Warmly and peacefully, a lamp gets lighter when it is shining in a darker place. The cartoon symbolically indicates that love, like the lamp, is more needed for those who are indeed in difficulties.
A classic case to prove the point of view is the world-shocked earthquake occurred in Wenchuan in 2008. Since the government called on the masses for rebuilding Wenchuan, the nation was marvelously united to take care of the refugees. Even a miraculous number of people from remote areas, who were not rich, donated whatever they had. It is love that made them go through the difficult period.
There is no question that the best way to expressing our love is to know what the individuals care about. As the famous saying goes, "Love leads a better world." Only with this noble feeling of human beings can we be strong enough to get rid of hopelessness and crack the hard nuts.

• 批改教师：王思捷 ( 作文批改网 )
  批改时间：2015/10/20 14:38:51
  点评指数：
  点评内容：
  

  

  Warmly and peacefully, a lamp gets lighter when it is shining in a darker place. The cartoon symbolically indicates that love, like the lamp, is more needed for those who are indeed in difficulties.
  A classic case to prove the point of view is the world-shocked earthquake occurred in Wenchuan in 2008. Since the government appealed to (appeal to意思是“吸引”，用得不好，应该改为called on号召) the masses for backing (rebuilding重建) the citizens of Sichuan Province （重建应该是Wenchuan，怎么是Sichuan Province？）, the nation on the whole was marvelously united as one to take care of the refugees. Even a miraculous number ^of people from remote areas, whose lives were originally not rich, donated whatever they could-be it money or goods （前面用whatever了，后面不能再用moeny or goods了，因为whatever的意思是“无论什么”的意思，已经包括了“钱”和“货物”。可以改成whatever they had）. It is (was) love that made them through (through是介词，make后面应该接动词原形。如果表达“是爱让他们在艰难中活了下来”可考虑用survive under) the hardship.
  There is no question but that the best way to expressing our love is to know when (what，它引导宾语从句，作care about的主语) the individuals we care about are asking for a favour and to see the needs of them. As the famous saying goes, "Love leads a better world." Only with this noble feeling of human beings can we be strong enough to get rid of hopelessness and crack the hard nuts.

        这篇文章对图画的主旨理解得很到位，但是很多汉语的想法用英语表达起来十分不顺畅。给你三个建议，****要多看范文，看它是怎么用我们熟悉的词表达很“高大上”用法的；第二要多用英语写东西（包括在QQ空间、微信上发动态）；第三要多背单词、看语法书。